Possibilities & The Divine Law of The Ugly Chair
In a past life, I did a bit of interior design work to pay the bills. This was a common scene: The homeowners and I do a walk through of their house. In the living room is a garish chair. Fugly. Usually a lounger, often with some kind of floral pattern. The couple has brought me in because they want fresh, contemporary, comfort. “What’s with the chair?” I ask. “We know it’s horrible, we hate it. But we haven’t had the money to get a new one.” Me: “Get rid of it this weekend.” Them: “But what will we sit on?” Me: “Sit on the floor. Pile up on the couch. You’ll figure it out. The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner the right chair will show up.”
They resist.
Them: “But they’ll be a…big…hole in the room.” Me: “Yep! It’s called space! Every time you walk by that space, you’ll be thinking about how great a new chair is going to feel.”
They resist.
Them: “But shouldn’t we order the ideal chair first, before we get rid of the old one? Have the new one delivered, then have the old one taken away?” Me: “Actually, it’s better of you don’t. Let the space be there. It’ll change the way you look at the whole room. And besides, maybe a chair isn’t what’s best. You won’t know until you let go…of the chair.”
The light dawns. One half of the couple pipes up, “You know, I really can’t wait to get rid of that fucking chair.” Nodding. Grins. “I’ll call the Goodwill pick up guys.” Action! It’s a beautiful sight when right that very instant, the couple each takes an arm of the chair and they heave it into the garage for it’s re-using destiny.
Letting go makes way for something closer to your truth…which is always more beautiful. Always.
Making space signals the universe that you’re ready for ideal…or at the very least, much improved.
Making space expands your being and clarifies (and dare I say, actually minimizes) your needs.
The Divine Law of the Ugly Chair applies as much to furniture and stuff, as it does to lovers, jobs, and thought forms.
Because: Going without, and holding out, is better than selling out. Always.
Humor me with the chair metaphor a bit longer. You’ve got the nasty chair (or…jacket, boss, incessant critical thought, ceramic mug,) in your space. Every time you come across it in your physical or psychic area, you consciously or subtly think, “Meh, that damn… chair…jacket…boss, thought, mug.” And you affirm to yourself that you put up with fugly, or nasty, or uncomfortable. You make “making do” your normal. You’re giving sacred space to something that isn’t sacred to you.
Things you don’t use. People who use you. Possessions-roles-gigs that make you feel pinched, or awkward, cheated, compromised, heavy, confused…stuffed — they need to go. You know this. But it’s not just because dumping the chump and reducing your carbon foot print is right action, and life-affirming, and socially responsible. It’s because possibility requires space to unfold.
Clear space.
Expand possibility.
Everywhere.
+++
Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, and the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: Spark Your Genius. Make It Matter.
You can find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte
{ 57 comments }
Perfect use of metaphor and literal. Like it.
Absolutely! Was just having a similar conversation with our 16 yr old daughter yesterday that just maybe a more kinder, caring group of chairs might turn up if she ever decided to rid herself of the fugly ones she tends to sit with at the moment.
Having rid myself of a most ugly one (= boss/work) almost a year ago now… life feels right and true and free. Still wide open space (= no new boss/work yet) but all kinds of room for growth.
Trust Danielle to nail it. So grateful to her and to you.
.-= Marianne´s last blog ..Virtual yoga =-.
This is a brilliant and very timely post for me. These lines especially:
“Letting go makes way for something closer to your truth…which is always more beautiful. Always.
Making space signals the universe that you’re ready for ideal…or at the very least, much improved.
Making space expands your being and clarifies (and dare I say, actually minimizes) your needs.”
I’m seeing this on my own life and ready to let go of more of what I don’t need or that’s cluttering my vision and holding me back. Can’t wait to see what comes to fill the space…
Thanks Bindu and Danielle.
.-= Dan Goodwin´s last blog ..How To Rediscover The Enjoyment Of Creating Again =-.
Danielle, you just never write anything half-assed, do you??? Lord. This was good. Good. Good. Good. Print it out and hang on the fridge good.
On a side note, I hate my dining room set. Hate it. Don’t need it. Have had 4 people contact me about it on craigslist. It is OTFD this weekend (out the fucking door). And next year I move myself into a small apartment and buy a conversion van so I can go meet people.
Hugs to you both.
Beautifully stated!
I convey this to clients daily. It’s so interesting how uncomfortable “space” can be for some people. But then once they get a taste of it and realize how much better they feel, it gets easier, easier, and then viola! freeing. If there’s no space in your home, then there’s no space in your life for new things to come in. =Stagnation!
Thoreau says it very elegantly: “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” – Henry David Thoreau
I’ll have to incorporate OTFD into my vocabulary… love it!
.-= Tisha Morris´s last blog ..What Does it Mean to be Spiritual =-.
I LOVED this post!!! Absolutely spot on (and something I needed reiterated as I sort through the stuff that is all over my apartment that is not me!
xoxo
g
.-= gina´s last blog ..The shed project day 2 =-.
You are SO right. I know this and keep forgetting. Why do we become so attached to that which no longer serves us. Thank you for the reminder. This is exactly what I needed to hear today… off to SHED the things that I don’t love in my life to make room for new and fabulous things to appear.
.-= Crystal – Prenatal Coach´s last blog ..Flourishing in a Female Body – Dr Christiane Northrup is coming to Vancouver for the 1st time! =-.
So much possibility in space. I adore the Void.
.-= Raven´s last blog ..The Raven & The Rooster =-.
Wow, what an amazing post! I have recently moved back to a city I used to live in and currently feel bombarded with “opportunities”: goals I can pursue, ladies and men who I can choose to spend my time with, different forms of excercise I can choose to engage in.. it is literally like everyone is saying, “Welcome back… here, this is what I have to offer…” While this is stimulating and I feel grateful, I am a simple girl who enjoys simple things. While living on an organic farm during the summer of this year, I affirmed a great truth about my being. The way I react and have reacted to things in the past isn’t because of some mis-wiring… it is literally all the right wiring! When we overload ourselves and put such tremendous pressure on ourselves to become… something, we miss the simple basic necessities of life. Take your chosen one and give them a massage rather than making love or going straight to bed. Don’t rush out the door in the morning. Give yourself time, give yourself space. Be gentle to yourself and listen. You’ll begin to learn what you need and forgive yourself for not being a robot. Dude, I totally relate to the ugly chair. Why do people hold on to stuff like that? I’m currently sleeping in a sleeping bag to the edge of an empty room with one table in it, 3 envelopes on top for savings for various things, and a list of my intentions for September. One is to be more definite about “dating”. It’s simple, but I expect the space I will be freeing up to help a whole lot. I hope everyone else gets to discover new things about yourselves. We really are a lot more amazing than we give ourselves credit. There’s no need to hold on to things that aren’t useful to us anymore.
-Love-
You are so right. Space is beautiful…not scary. It creates opportunity and with opportunity anything is possible. There is a lot of power in letting go.
.-= Nadia Ballas-Ruta´s last blog ..Branding- Visuals Matter and How to Begin Crafting Your Brand =-.
This is a great post. True for all aspects of creativity. When something is empty, it seems the whole universe begins to work with you to fill the space with something meaningful, reborn and beautiful.
Thanks for the all of the positivity. I’m so on board with The Shed Project. I think every North American needs to sign up. Powah to the Shedders!
xoxo
Beautiful. When I moved this summer – and my sons moved out – I pledged not to move into my new space anything broken, torn, baggy, tight, or that otherwise no longers served me. As I slowly choose which things to replace (turns out a toaster is a handy thing to have), I’m surprised by how many spaces I’d rather leave as spaces. Room to breathe in my new empty nest.
Everything Danielle writes sings to my soul. There is something about decluttering and opening up your physical space and mental space that loosens the stuck places. A recent move to a smaller living space has proved the truth in Danielle’s Law of the ugly Chair for me.
Thanks as always for your Brilliance!!!
Space – that really is the answer to nearly everything. I’m going to do a little review this evening in case I still have any “Ugly Chairs” lurking around.
.-= Rhiannon´s last blog ..Island Goodbye =-.
Great post Danielle. I have one of those chairs in my living room. Shit! Time to get that sucker out of here and clear some space of possibility. Thanks for the ass kicking and making me look beyond that chair to other areas of my life that need a little space. Love the chair metaphor by the way, for obvious reasons.
.-= katie´s last blog ..Do You Have a Chair of Your Own =-.
Wow.
Wow.
I am currently clearing out the masses and masses of crap my family and I have somehow acquired, and which is so underfoot I am constantly in danger of tripping and falling. This is just to get to the Pontiac where my house is decluttered enough to show it. After that, it’s downsizing – moving into something that is smaller and less upkeep (time, energy, money), with less space to shove stuff into. In other words, I am in the midst of the most massive purge of my life. It’s scary, daunting, and on good days, terribly exciting.
In my professinal and creative life (the best ones are always intertwined, aren’t they?) I have been not just stagnant but STUCK for a long time now. I am hoping that by getting rid of the crap, and moreover, getting rid of the Fugly Life, good things will start to happen. I will start to feel whole again. I will find the fire for life that I knew, once upon a time. I will find a partner who compliments me rather than depletes me. I will be a better mother. I will show, by example, my three girls what you CAN do as a strong, intuitive woman. I will stop living at the poverty line and find a way for my creative joy to support us regularly, instead of sporadically.
Lot of things that can happen by getting rid of the ugly chair (life), huh?
Oh. This. It’s clicking somewhere deep down inside.
And I have way, way too many ugly chairs.
.-= Tori Deaux´s last blog ..The Circus- In Three Rings Or Less =-.
I know you are not into the comments, but I couldn’t resist.
Them: “But they’ll be a…big…hole in the room.” Me: “Yep! It’s called space!
This made me laugh, then cackle, the howl out loud.
Just got rid of a jean skirt that was my staple, which also had a growing hole in the
butt, literally- no go.
.-= Kimberly Johnson´s last blog ..The Truth About a Brazilian Wax =-.
Ah. Love this. It made me clean out my closet again, the only area that I actually keep ‘ugly chairs’ around. There is definitely something about new space for possibilities.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..why reiki is like the cheshire cat =-.
I remember more or less pushing a big old fugly chair down two flights of stairs, down the front porch, and onto the sidewalk. Somebody better take it, I thought, because there’s no way I have the strength yet alone the desire to drag it back up again.
And then it was funny. That once-loved chair that was so hard to let go of. Now I was afraid no one would take. I kept peeking out my window and there it sat.
Two hours later it had vanished. I never put another chair in it’s space. Now with the shed project I’m wondering what else I can drag to the curb. I’m thinking it’s more than “stuff.”
This is a well-written post about an esoteric subject: the ability to receive the new, the undiscovered, the waiting-to-happen things in our lives. We worry about what will happen when we let go of the “old chairs,” never happily relieving ourselves of the things that makes us unhappy — yet comfortable — in our dissatisfaction. Thanks for a great allegory, Bindu.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Stairway Feng Shui Rules — Types of Stairs & How They Affect Your Feng Shui =-.
yes ! the awful truth is that some situations you just have to clear BEFORE something else comes into place. I know its terrifying to just leave a job but better than ending up there decades later while waiting for the ‘right’ job.
I love this. I recently moved and took a bunch of things to the swap pile at the landfill. Leaving space for new things to appear.
And when my dog died recently, I thought “I wonder what will show up in her place?” And wonderful things showed up. Of course.
.-= Laine´s last blog ..Not Settling Can Be Unsettling =-.
Danielle,
Loved it! Loved it! Loved it! This post strikes a chord! Ah, the beauty and power of your words! These are some of my favorite lines:
“Going without, and holding out, is better than selling out. ”
“You’re giving sacred space to something that isn’t sacred to you.”
“Letting go makes way for something closer to your truth…which is always more beautiful. Always.”
May we only surround ourselves with what we hold sacred and be comfortable with the emptiness full of possibilities!
Thank you!
Marjory
.-= Marjory´s last blog ..Journey into fearlessness =-.
thank you, danielle. we just moved. letting go, releasing, donating, and making space. not always easy, but the empty is full (filled with possibility).
really hate my dining room chairs – they’re folding chairs and kinda dangerous for my son to sit on (he’s only 2). Of course, if I get rid of them without having anything else, we’ll definitely be sitting on the floor for months to come.
How do I know? yeah, been there. Usually what happens next is my husband runs out and buys something worse than we had!
.-= sarah´s last blog ..What next =-.
lov your authenticity, I hate my fugly chair it’s going out next thursday, lol TY
Awesome post – THANK YOU!
Aaaah, you’ve done it again, Ms. LaPorte. Having worked for a while as a Feng Shui consultant I know this scenario so, so well. The resistance is fantastic to witness because it reminds me of the resistance in myself to let go and drop into the abyss of “space.” I love this part: “Going without, and holding out, is better than selling out. Always.”
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. My mental wheels are spinning to identify thoughts, people, furniture, clothing, mugs, etc. in my home/life that are the “fugly chair.” Oddly, what I’m coming up with is my entire apartment! Yep, go big or go home. The apartment goes. I go too. We shall see where that beautiful pregnant pause of space leads.
Thanks Bindu..thanks Danielle. You ladies rock my world.
My ugly chair is a gorgeous burnt orange leather love seat. And my other ugly chair is a hand-crafted china cabinet and hutch.
They are taking up space in my new downsized living room.
Space that I know that I need for something, but I can’t quite figure out what. It bugs me. I feel hedged in somehow, even though there _seems_ to be enough move to walk around, something nags at the edges of my thoughts. Something wants to come in.
OK, Danielle, I know. You are so right. It’s time to take photos, go to craigslist, to do whatever will get this stuff sold.
Thanks for the swift kick.
HI DANIELLE & BINDU!
I REALLY CRACKED WHEN I READ THE STORY ABOUT THE CHAIR
… & IT IS SO TRUE. ONE SHOULD OFTEN MAKE MORE SPACE FOR THE BETTER! ‘
LOVE N HUGS
KRIS XOX
Right on, sister!
You’ve got to exhale –
all the way —
and be empty.
Before the next inhale,
before the next good thing
can come your way
This is wonderful, Danielle. I’m linking to it from everywhere I can. Now if someone can explain how to let go of the emotional issues all bundled up inside of you… I think I’m going to save this and think about it for a while.
Danielle/Bindu you both have a knack for talking about the very thing that I need to hear when I need to hear it. Although I can’t ditch the job I have, I realized that I’m not doing much to make my exit any sooner. I’m letting the fugly chair run my life. I need to not do that. Thanks for the gentle shove, I needed it.
People’s fear of the ‘void’ fascinates me – there is no life without the void!!! If you brick yourself up with stuff how can vital energy move?! How can answers come forth… crazy. Love this post Danielle. Printing it out right now LOL
Holymoly did I need to read this today! Been trying to get rid of that damn ugly chair for a while. Thanks for the reminder
I’m going to comment on every damn blog post I read, from here on out. Even if i don’t have much to say, I’m here – so HA! Why not? Decided i was done with the ugly chair of wallpaper or wallflower or flypapering or whatever you call it.
I love the divine law of the ugly chair. I will remember this. Good writing inspiration too. There’s a visual to latch on to. hmmmm xo
The quote “You’re giving sacred space to something that isn’t sacred to you” sums it up perfectly. I’ll definitely be remembering that. The chair story is so darn true! I’ve been there myself! As I continue to shed, I will remember the chair. Thank you!
Hey…perfect timing, again, Danielle. Tis not a chair for me but the house around it…both literally and metaphorically. Holding on, post divorce, to the home where my kids (now in college) were raised because its…hard to let go. Because…I am ready to not be here but I can’t vision the next step. So I have been “in limbo” for over a year…meanwhile going broke with mortgage for a house I don’t use half the rooms in…deferred maintenance (peeling paint, dripping faucets) are really an energy drain. But I don’t have a “new chair”/idea of what next. No man/job/parents to tie me down so its really a wide wide sky…to wide…to pick a direction. So I stalled.
And I had just decided to sell anyways, move anyways, move on and let life unfold itself anyways and your blog/interview showed up the next day…like a supportive hug from the universe. Thanks.
(I just wish I could cart the house to the alley and be done with it as easy as a chair.)
fearful but moving forward all the same…
Cinnamon
Wow–this just blew me away! Thanks for an article I’ll come back to over and over again.
Such a humoristic view on the ‘heavy loads’ we sometimes carry around. I have my own and this refreshing piece of story makes it more easy to think about it and bit by bit get rid of it. Thanks!
The chair metaphor is so suited for much in life. My stepmother once remarked & I am paraphrasing “that you will never find a better man, if you are looking for a new one while still in a relationship (that isn’t working) with another”. Like letting go of the chair you need to create the space to see possibilities and opportunities.
I just passed this on – again. It’s a powerful metaphor, that fugly chair. I love that Danielle uses the word “fugly.”
RT @binduwiles The Law of the Ugly Chair by Danielle Laporte http://bit.ly/eHVDo4 One of the best posts I've read this year. Or any year.
Creating space RT @binduwiles The Law of the Ugly Chair by Danielle Laporte http://bit.ly/eHVDo4 via @coachcreative
RT @coachcreative: RT @binduwiles The Law of the Ugly Chair by Danielle Laporte http://bit.ly/eHVDo4 One of the best posts I've read thi …
"Going without, and holding out, is better than selling out. Always." Great blog post. http://bit.ly/glSyxd
The Law of the Ugly Chair by Danielle Laporte http://bit.ly/phAFzU One of my very favourite posts of the last year or more. Brilliant.
Banish the fugly! Make way, make space! :: The Law of the Ugly Chair by @DanielleLaporte http://bit.ly/phAFzU /via @coachcreative
The Law of the Ugly Chair by Danielle Laporte http://bit.ly/phAFzU One of my fav posts from last year. Brilliant. RT @coachcreative
Banish the fugly! Make way, make space! :: The Law of the Ugly Chair by @DanielleLaporte http://bit.ly/phAFzU /via @coachcreative
I concur. @coachcreative The Law of the Ugly Chair by Danielle Laporte http://t.co/GyAR3xB Brilliant.
Banish the fugly! Make way, make space! :: The Law of the Ugly Chair by @DanielleLaporte http://bit.ly/phAFzU /via @coachcreative
The Law of the Ugly Chair. Guest post by Danielle Laporte http://t.co/Wqyin0Y
The Law of the Ugly Chair 'cuz "possibility requires space to unfold" by Danielle Laporte http://t.co/D3DrzBGQ